Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Businesses Prepare for Obama's America

Two pieces of communication have been brought to my attention by friends who own small businesses, and are excited about the new opportunities presented to them by the election of Barack Obama.

Dear Fellow Business Owners

As a Business owner who employs 30 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama may be our next President, and that my taxes and fees will go up in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the customer will have to see an increase in my prices of about 8%. I will also have to lay off 6 of my employees. This really bothered me as I treat my employees like family here and I will have a hard time choosing who will have to go. So, here’s what I’m going to do. I strolled thru the parking lot and found Obama bumper stickers on some of my employee’s cars. I have decided the folks that own these cars will be the FIRST to be laid off.

I can't think of a better way to approach this problem. If you have a better idea, let me know.


To: All Employees

From: Management

Subject: New Company Policies

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama officially becomes president-elect, our company will institute some new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring call for change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pot that will be divided equally between all of them, leveling the playing field.

2. All hourly workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, which will be divided equally amongst all hourly workers, enabling those who are too busy to work overtime to share the rewards with those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

4. Management knows that workers will to continue to work hard for the good of all, and that you will be excited about these new policies that will help to spread the wealth around. Those of you who have underachieved will finally get your fair share, and those of you who have worked hard and been successful will have the opportunity to feel more patriotic in giving to your fellow workers.

5. Unfortunately, the last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. While management regrets this necessary step, we feel somewhat better because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even, if you can't pay your mortgage.

Thank you for your continued support of our company, and God bless America!

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