Thursday, August 30, 2007

Violence in America Explained

I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. It was right before my eyes all the time. Heck, I even participated in it as a child. The reason for the increasing level of violence in America is something we started doing at a young age, and something we gleefully did many days at school.

But now, as they used to say, the jig is up; we’ve found the long-hidden influence, and we can now move quickly to right the wrongs of decades of traditional child-rearing theory and put an end at long last to violence in America.

And who do we have to thank for this stunning revelation? Elementary schools.

That’s right; those at the source of this violence-inducing activity actually recognized that it had been right under their noses for generations, and they finally saw this because some children complained they had been chased or harassed against their will. Paying attention to the complaints of children and analyzing what they have been saying has revealed that the culprit is the playground game called “tag.”

So, tag is out at a growing number of elementary schools across the land, while other school administrations have said merely that running games will be allowed, as long as students don't chase each other. By keeping children from chasing each other while playing tag, school officials believe the proclivity of kids to grow up into mass murderers and serial rapists will be reduced or perhaps ended altogether.

A suburban Charleston, S.C., school has implemented a truly ingenious policy that includes not only banning tag, but outlawing all unsupervised contact activities, such as football and soccer on the playground. School officials say that has helped reduce playground squabbles. This policy not only virtually eliminates discord among students, but enables teachers to enjoy recess periods free of the inconvenience of having to go outside to watch over the children.

God bless America!

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