With political correctness run amok, the rampant hypersensitivity of the legions of people looking to be offended, it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. But I wanted to express my good wishes to all, so I met with my attorney yesterday, and with his advice and counsel, I wish to say the following:
To all my family, friends and readers,
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the Winter Solstice holiday period, practiced within the most enjoyable tradition of the religious persuasions or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year of 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only " America" in the western hemisphere) and without due regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, or disability, religious faith or the sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him/herself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed, nor any whales saved or harmed, in the sending of this message, however a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
Enjoy the season, whatever you call it, if applicable, or not!
Many thanks to Whitesnake for this piece.