Sunday, December 11, 2005

A Little Levity

Well, it's been a busy time lately, and I haven't had time to write anything substantive, and won't for the next few days. I have to respond to my buddy Buffalo's challenge in a comment to a previous post, and that will take most of the little time that I would otherwise be able to devote to something on Observations, so in order to be able to post something that someone might appreciate, I will borrow an idea called A Little Levity from a Web site I manage, and post a couple of things that might give you a chuckle.


Letter to Dr. Ruth

Hell Freezes Over

The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it, as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting, "Oh, my God."

Reportedly, this student received the only “A.”


Buffalo said...

I'm ready to go home! Something amusing from a Republican!

(just joking)

James Shott said...

Ah, Buff, you make my day.

But I think I'm slightly offended that you'd call me a Republican.

I'm very displeased by the behavior of both major parties. If I'm a Republican, it's only because my conscience won't allow me to be a Democrat.

And, by the way, I do intend to respond to the death penalty challenge you put forth, but I just haven't had a chance to get to it.

Buffalo said...

I don't have much use for either party. Pretty sad.